{read online pdf} Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and SpewedAuthor Lance Carbuncle – Circuitwiringdiagram.co

Without a doubt, this is the most incredible road trip ever I have never experienced so many strange situations and eccentric characters in the course of one book This author knows what he s doing Not once does the pace lag, and the peculiarities are fresh and endlessly entertaining I am very impressed with Lance Carbuncle s ability to pull this story over the edge without ever crashing A man is in search of his beloved best friend, his dog named Idjit Galoot There are many amusing Without a doubt, this is the most incredible road trip ever I have never experienced so many strange situations and eccentric characters in the course of one book This author knows what he s doing Not once does the pace lag, and the peculiarities are fresh and endlessly entertaining I am very impressed with Lance Carbuncle s ability to pull this story over the edge without ever crashing A man is in search of his beloved best friend, his dog named Idjit Galoot There are many amusing names within these pages, some of them winking at the reader due to their references i.e., Haskel and Cleaver There are other references to be caught as well if one is paying attention, um hmmm No stone is left unturned There are choopa choppas, a town full of Pedros, Fat Elvis, soul bartering, and a badass blues guitarist who is fighting for his soul Skunk apes and the Canadian women who love them lurk in these pages, not to mention an exploding sombrero tower, PBR, Schlitz, eggs, questionable potatoes and ball doo ball I have only scratched the surface, and if you re not shy about infectious carbuncles, lepromatous leprosy or frozen celebrity poop, I urge you to take this trip for yourself Don t be afraid of the dead dad in the back of the truck Happy dreams This is a hilarious debute novel about a 30 something year old guy, messed up from years of drug use, who lives at home with his mom, his catarac inflicted, nose repelling, lumpy bodied basset hound, and his stuffed Daddy, and the amazingly action packed road trip he embarks upon.Madness Mayhem Hitchhiking Christian Terrorists Crazy Pedros An exploding sombrero Ziplocked frozen poo A Clubfoot musician who never stops playing his guitar And his faithful dog Idjit, relaying important inform This is a hilarious debute novel about a 30 something year old guy, messed up from years of drug use, who lives at home with his mom, his catarac inflicted, nose repelling, lumpy bodied basset hound, and his stuffed Daddy, and the amazingly action packed road trip he embarks upon.Madness Mayhem Hitchhiking Christian Terrorists Crazy Pedros An exploding sombrero Ziplocked frozen poo A Clubfoot musician who never stops playing his guitar And his faithful dog Idjit, relaying important information to him through his dreams Not to mention a reference to Shaun of the Dead.my all time favorite movie ever This book is a must read Carbuncles creative use of footnotes alone should be enough for you to want to take a peek I was lucky enough to have gotten my hands on a copy of this novel via a contest through Goodreads Carbuncle has an incredible sense of humor, a unique take on the little things life has to offer This man could write about the ingredients on the back of a tube of toothpaste, and I would be biting my nails in anticipation Absolutely one of the best novels I have read this year 5 stars, and won a place on my FarBetterThanMost shelf here on goodreads Way to go Carbuncle Let me know when the next one is coming out I ll be the first in line to buy it Get in, sit back, buckle up, and get ready for the ride of your life It should have been simple enough drive a moving van to Florida WITHOUT wreaking any havoc on the way, BUT when part of your cargo is a taxidermied old dude dressed for every conceivable holiday, you re bound to hit a snag or twoThis was a hilarious, deceptively simple fable about a man struggling to reunite with his best pal.In addition to a heartwarming story, we re also treated to nifty little footnote factoids about turkey vultures, jackalopes and foreskins The book also contains my fa It should have been simple enough drive a moving van to Florida WITHOUT wreaking any havoc on the way, BUT when part of your cargo is a taxidermied old dude dressed for every conceivable holiday, you re bound to hit a snag or twoThis was a hilarious, deceptively simple fable about a man struggling to reunite with his best pal.In addition to a heartwarming story, we re also treated to nifty little footnote factoids about turkey vultures, jackalopes and foreskins The book also contains my favorite rant EVER, delivered by an Elvis hating bluesman named Fat ElvisDang boy, you the one gave me that vocabulary book for my edification Now you want to make fun of my articulation, enunciation and eloquence I take umbrage at your affront Keep it up and I will defenestrate you Believe me, you ll want to tag along on this road trip Just watch out for the Skunk Ape Or is it Janet Reno My Pabst Blue Ribbon goggles are making everything a wee bit fuzzy The anti hero in Carbuncle s book, SMASHED etc., is a 35 year old metal head who lives in his mother s basement and doesn t work because some drug experiment has rendered him mentally incapable Let the hilarity begin The problem with most comic novels is that they tend to be, well, not funny This isn t the case with SMASHED The main character goes from one ridiculous situation to the next and manages to make it somehow believable The narrative voice is what made this book so enjoyable for The anti hero in Carbuncle s book, SMASHED etc., is a 35 year old metal head who lives in his mother s basement and doesn t work because some drug experiment has rendered him mentally incapable Let the hilarity begin The problem with most comic novels is that they tend to be, well, not funny This isn t the case with SMASHED The main character goes from one ridiculous situation to the next and manages to make it somehow believable The narrative voice is what made this book so enjoyable for me In his travels from Ohio to Florida, his descriptions of the characters he meets along the way couldn t beaccurate He describes these people and the reader immediately identifies Here are just a couple On barmaid Ramona The barmaid approaches She has red hair, a black eye, and yellow teeth On Cousin Denny Denny is always full of advice In his small mind he is all knowing and all wise If you re doing something, Denny will tell you how you should do it If you bought something, he ll tell you ten reasons why you shouldn t have gotten that one He s sometimes the kind of guy that would crap on your birthday cake and tell you that he s doing you a favor On Buddy Buddy looks different Like life has beaten him down His beard is gone, replaced by a five o clock shadow that stops near the top of his cheeks like a facial hair timberline there is a clear demarcation just before the bags under his eyes Without the facial hair it looks as if somebody has pushed his chin back into his neck Buddy is bent over, shoulders hunching up as if he is trying to avoid being hit, his posture making him look like a giant question mark I liked this book the second I started reading it and my affection only grew as I readMany books that make attempts at humor, while not really failing as a book, do not make me laugh This had me laughing throughout And if Carbuncle wasn t able to make me laugh through the weirdness of his situations characters, he was able to go for pure bathroom humor and write about poop and vomit with hearty gusto Cheers to you, Carbuncle This book is worth reading just to find out how he ends up with Bruce Dickinson s poo I would also recommend it to anyone who likes CONFEDERACY OF DUNCES or YOUTH IN REVOLT Usually I don t like books containing i dreams, ii pets and iii talking animals So why four stars and not the minus three stars it deserves according to these rules Because i the pet only appears in dreams, ii the pet sometimes speaks in a scottish accent and iii for the first time I got a plausible explanation for the term defenestration. That waswild Lance Carbuncle s newest audibook is a Gonzoesque, Jodorowskian surreal road novel that stretches all the way to Florida, otherwise known as the butt end of America More important, part of this story is about the meaning that pets take in lonely people s lives The narrator of this book with a title too long to be repeated is a middle aged metalhead living on disabilities because of an MDMA trip turned bad and seeks human contact beyond his mother s with an intensity so despa That waswild Lance Carbuncle s newest audibook is a Gonzoesque, Jodorowskian surreal road novel that stretches all the way to Florida, otherwise known as the butt end of America More important, part of this story is about the meaning that pets take in lonely people s lives The narrator of this book with a title too long to be repeated is a middle aged metalhead living on disabilities because of an MDMA trip turned bad and seeks human contact beyond his mother s with an intensity so despaired, it is comical indeed It s like Jack Kerouac got beat up by Carlton Mellick III, got brain damaged and started writing comedy Maybe I liked this book because I m a lonely guy with a dog, but it read like a Surreal, Picaresque adventure novel that only a twisted mind like Lance Carbuncle could ve come up with I wouldn t call it Bizarro I wouldn t call it exactly surreal I would call it Carbunclest It s the timeless story of a man and his relationship with his mutt however, along the way, the protagonist must deal with the likes of Florida Spunk Ape an ape with a massive erection , Christian terrorists, a hurricane, the not so righteous hand of the law, and his own withering spirit.The book mixes the outrageous and the irreverent with humorous low brow stuff so masterful and nuanced it ends up doing handstand and becoming highbrow no joke, the book manages to weave the vile, disturbed, It s the timeless story of a man and his relationship with his mutt however, along the way, the protagonist must deal with the likes of Florida Spunk Ape an ape with a massive erection , Christian terrorists, a hurricane, the not so righteous hand of the law, and his own withering spirit.The book mixes the outrageous and the irreverent with humorous low brow stuff so masterful and nuanced it ends up doing handstand and becoming highbrow no joke, the book manages to weave the vile, disturbed, and perverted into a folk literary masterpiece.Though other commentators have pointed out the books comedic appeal and it is funny I often found myself getting caught up in the folk appeal Is folk even the right word I found that as I was reading the book I was being entertained and given an education in a bizarre kind of subculture The footnotes do their best to make sure you don t get too lost.If you re the squeamish sort, you might not want to pick up the book or you might want to pick up the book to find out how the other half live, and how something like a collection of celebrity turds in a refrigerator can be a thing of beauty.As a bonus, a running gag throughout the book is that whenever the protagonist wakes up in a strange place his ass is sore In short, the author spares no expense in trying to get a laugh out of you.If you revel in the ups, downs, tragedies and triumphs that plague all of us stuck in life s aftermath then you ll find something remarkably close to a feeling of solidarity in this book This is probably my second favorite of Carbuncles books If you are looking for a read that keeps you turning pages and enjoy a relatively warped sense of humor than this book is definitely for you If you happen to also be a resident of Florida you will thoroughly enjoy the urban myths and local spots seamlessly put into the storyline of a man trying to get back to his ugly, old and transcendent basset hound. Idjit Galoot has a problem He escaped from his master s house for a brief romp around town, seeking out easy targets such as bitches in heat, fresh roadkill and unguarded garbage cans When he returns to his house, the aged basset hound discovers that his master has packed up their belongings and moved to Florida without him Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed is the story of Idjit Galoot s ne er do well owner and his efforts to work his way back to the dog that he loves Along the way, Idjit s owner encounters Christian terrorists, swamp dwelling taxidermists, carnies, a b list poopie groupie, bluesmen on the run from a trickster deity, and the Florida Skunk Ape Lance Carbuncle s lunatic genius is on brilliant display in this book, which has one of my favourite covers ever My kids also really enjoyed my pantomime explanation of what spewed meant thanks, Lance Bassett Hound Idjit Galoot my husband s new nickname, BTW has run off right when his owner has packed up to move to Florida Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed is the story of the owner s quest to find his beloved dog.And what a quest it is along the way he encou Lance Carbuncle s lunatic genius is on brilliant display in this book, which has one of my favourite covers ever My kids also really enjoyed my pantomime explanation of what spewed meant thanks, Lance Bassett Hound Idjit Galoot my husband s new nickname, BTW has run off right when his owner has packed up to move to Florida Smashed, Squashed, Splattered, Chewed, Chunked and Spewed is the story of the owner s quest to find his beloved dog.And what a quest it is along the way he encounters the craziest assortment of characters you would ever hope to meet between the covers of a book, including a legendary blues guitarist, a succubus, backwoods taxidermists, and possibly a skunk ape.One of my favourite parts is when the Pedros wreak havoc on a kitschy tourist attraction, setting off a manhunt for the terrorists responsible It was funny to see the narrator s quirky bad luck, and the snowballing effect as the authorities level everserious and ridiculous charges against them This definitely felt like a statement on the current climate of fear we live in Plus, I just love the Pedros I had a great deal of fun trying to think of a Pedro name for myself, but mine were all pretty wimpy Soccer Mom Pedro, PMS PedroThat way over the top brutally honest mocking humour towards friends is really guy territory The remarkable part of this book is that there is a real sweetness to it Even though any or all of the characters including the narrator could be grotesque in another setting, here they aren t They re joyful and kind, all of them willing to help reunite a man with his doggy soul mate.I couldn t help thinking, while I was reading this, that I was probably missing a lot of interesting references if only I had read The Odyssey, I thought, I would probably be loving this book evenNo matter it s a terrific read, even if you haven t read the classics.I would definitely recommend this for anyone willing to take a chance on something a bit different, especially if your humour runs toward the absurd And if it doesn t, you probably wouldn t be asking me to recommend a book to you anyway